There is probably no set way of dealing with grief, but as someone who has dealt with its devastation too many times, I can only tell you to listen to your own voice. Do what is best and proper for you.
It is said that time heals. I don’t believe that. I have come to believe it may soften that first crushing blow to your spirit, but it never quite erases the knowledge that he or she is no longer with us, and we are forced to go on, alone. Coming from a family who was firm in the belief that we no longer spoke of the deceased, as though they never existed, I was devastated when tragedy struck.‘Getting over it’ was something to be endured individually. We could no longer speak of the beloved grandfather or aunt or sister, It seemed so heartless that we could not celebrate their lives, and the joy they brought us by their very existence. I eventually moved from that way of thinking, but it took me years to confront my own grief and give meaning to it. And then I was faced with the guilt of having been relieved not to see my husband suffer any longer from an affliction called dementia
There are many reasons we can suffer from grief, being clutched in one of the most debilitating forces on earth. Grief may come upon us from a divorce, a miscarriage, the loss of a pet, the loss of a job or a home, or a friendship. We can suffer physically as well as mentally. It is so important to maintain your personal health, to sleep and eat after we get over the news of our loss.
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross defined the five stages of grief,
- Denial The initial shock.
- Anger The frustration of having been left alone.
- Bargaining What you could have done to prevent this loss.
- 4. Depression You are feeling overwhelmed and lonely
- 5 Acceptance When you start moving on with your life.
We can seek help through this life changing ordeal with family and friends or in support groups dealing with Grief. Our own faith may help us through the trauma. Or we may have to seek counseling if we can no longer cope with daily tasks and personal maintenance. It is important to continue hobbies or other interests. Our memories of pleasant times help us deal with loss, but sometimes holidays and anniversaries are difficult to get through. I have found one thing that has helped me after a loss. And that is to keep saying these special times and memories out loud. Keep that special person part of your conversation. Draw comfort from those moments of remembrance, and be heartened because someone else enjoyed his or her presence, and they will add to those memories. Those spoken words will keep those times alive in all your hearts.